Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I value my privacy in certain situations, and I didn't realise it for a long time. In other situations, I don't care, but I guess that's the point, you should have the ability to choose as much as possible. 

My counselor recommended online dating. What I don't like about online dating, though, is that you have to put your real pictures up. I am kind of paranoid about being recognised by people I don't want to be recognised by, especially since so many people use the same dating apps.

I asked online whether there are any anonymous dating sites. The responses I saw were just mind-boggling.

How are people supposed to date you if they have no idea who you are?

I assume that a guy is married if he has no profile picture.

That's how catfishing started.

Like what the [...]? Since when was it suspicious to keep yourself private ONLINE?

My managers have gotten into me before about the fact that they can't always get in touch. I don't really get it. I have a roster, which tells me when I'm working. Maybe you'll see me then?

I don't like to think about work outside of work. I had a group assignment, and people from the group were trying to call me at 12:30AM. I got in trouble because I didn't reply, I turned my notifications off.

At what point do we assume that it's not OK to contact someone past midnight?

I know this is going to be a point of contention when I'm dating. A lot of couples use each other's phones, or get ready in the bathroom together. I have never understood that.

Even after sex, for example, I would imagine taking a shower and dressing up afterwards in private would be vital. After opening up to someone like that, I would like some buffer time to myself. 

I have to say, this is where I commend SANE for its anonymity policy. Hats off to you!

Signed... anonymous 🤫.

[TheVorticon]

Totally with you there mate.

I met my partner anonymously through a forum where private messaging was possible. They happened to have been there longer so already had a couple of pictures uploaded and had mentioned their real first name. We became online friends before I told them my first name, and well before I ever gave them a picture of me. At first our friendship was mostly on various threads, then we moved to private messages. Eventually we exchanged email addresses, then moved to an instant messaging platform. They live overseas and we've had a couple of in-person visits. We've been in a relationship for over 10 years, no jealousy or drama except for the initial early phases before we'd defined what our relationship was. Talking to them in person is exactly the same as online, it's comfortable hanging out with them.

I'm glad I met them this way rather than trying to meet someone through a dating site. It seems like such an improved likelihood of compatable personalities. I needed the anonymity of the forum to be able to share my real personality, and my partner got to know the real me rather than the false person I was on the outside - too busy trying to hide my social anxiety and inadequacy... whereas on the forum I could put it right out there and find someone who liked me anyway. Plus I needed the written communication to ease me into the idea of talking to someone.

[greenpea]

@Former-Member @TheVorticon  Hey guys @Adge  has done alot of online dating he maybe able to give some ideas. My sister tried it but found all the men wanted was one thing.

[LostAngel]

I can relate to your post as Im very much still in the thick of online dating and things do continuously get mixed up on and off in terms of boundaries ect and trying to identify between the fake men and the real ones whoever they may be and yes I absolutely agree that when excuse me for being blunt but when it comes to things like sex or sexting or online sessions and wanting some privacy afterwoods instead of being constantly bombarded by messages or pics on my phone afterwards I totally agree of the need for some privacy a buffer as you said so well to deal with just having some alone time after an intament experience

[LostAngel]

and yes alot of guys online are after just one thing sadly and that begs the question or puts the pressure on as to what exactly Im after from them