Lived Experience Forum

[RachSANECEO]

Love this. The right to change and grow.

[Captain24]

I too, would like to see more of this @RachSANECEO and I agree with a suggestion box’ to be able to appeal to all members at various times

I absolutely agree with everything that @ArraDreaming has said about respect. 

Respect is so important.  

It was interesting the here the interpretation of psychosocial. 

[ArraDreaming]

Yeah, there is definitely more layers to it but I think respect comes from being able to sit with someone and have respect for their experiences and opinions despite being different from yours.

[Captain24]

Yes respect for each other and I like the respect as you are now. Not what you have or haven’t done in the past. Everybody changes. Some may grow and some may lose the way at times. But having respect can help all move forward. 

[RachSANECEO]

Love this sense of journey @Captain24 thanks for sharing that

[Zoe7]

Will watch tomorrow and tag a few more people when I am not falling asleep @RachSANECEO 👍

[chibam]

@RachSANECEO @ArraDreaming @Captain24  Respect is a really complicated issue and I love that Janet in her interview emphasized the importance of respect being genuine and heartfelt, because that's more important then most people care to acknowledge.

We live in an age where everybody is obligated to act according to a "respectful" code of conduct - often made up of rules that make absolutely no sense to the people who are obligated to follow them. And so you wind up in this culture of highly dishonest pretense where people "play the game" in silent frustration, while privately regarding the people they have to deal with as unwanted nuisances. They respect; but they can't genuinely respect. And one thing that is often not talked about is that I believe that this takes a toll on the mental health of the people who are obligated to act in a dishonest way, in order to be "respectful". After all, how can anyone be truly mentally healthy in an environment where they aren't free to be honest?

But of course, the flip side of this is that there's a limit to how productive the relationship can be for the other person, too; the one who is merely being tollerated and/or accomodated to the letter of the law, without being genuinely respected or appreciated.

And this is where it gets really messy, because for any given individual, there are two sides to respectful behavior - there is how I want others to treat me, and there is the behavior that I believe shows respect towards others; i.e. how I might treat my own personal heroes to show my appreciation to them.

So what happens when those two attitudes don't line up between two individuals? What happens when the way I want to be treated doesn't line up with the other person's perception of what constitutes "respectful behavior"?

It seems to me there are only two possible outcomes that even get close to being agreeable for anyone concerned:
1. Either I have to politely abide the other person's treatment, which makes me uncomfortable, or
2. They have to adopt a counter-intuitive pretense in order to appease me, which likely makes them feel uncomfortable, and likely very disrespectful.

Either way, someone loses, it seems.

Respect is a nice dream to have, but it's very difficult (impossible?) to properly accomplish.

[Jynx]

You've just reminded me of this post @chibam which I think touches on this concept as well: 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[chibam]

That brings up another interesting question, @Jynx  - is it necessarily respectful to treat someone as a person? Because a lot of people have a very low opinion of people/humanity as a concept (usually justified by their life experiance). So, from their point of view, percieving someone "as a person" can essentially mean seeing them as an undesirable vermin.

The only people they regard as being worthy of respect may be the very rare few who don't embody the typical shortcomings of regular humanity. The exceptions who prove the rule. In that case, they wouldn't treat them "like a person", but as "something much greater then a person"; treating them "as a person" would be an insult.

And, of course, there are less resentful variants on that same theme. Like, people who don't want to be treated "as a person" according to the observer's definition of "a person" - because that definition doesn't fit with what they aspire to be. Does that make sense?

It's tricky and I'm probably not explaining it very well.

[Zoe7]

@RachSANECEO Firstly - yes this type of content and ongoing discussion from it would be great. As others have already said - sometimes it is easier to watch a short video than to be able to read text. It would also be great for those that have challenges in reading ie. dyslexic or vision impaired to access content.

For such a short clip - it gave us so much. The idea that psychosocial support should be at the grassroots (the person) rather than what is usually offered (the system) is essential. Everyone individual is different and can be challenged by the (supposedly) simplest things in life - so we need to address those things first before we can move on to programs/therapy etc. to aid in recovery. For example: there is no point 'enrolling' a person in a program when they cannot sleep from the noise from a neighbours place keeps them up at night.

The two primary focuses of care and respect are so important. Genuine care and respect cannot be masked. I think we as humans can see right through others that pretend to have both and if that is done in a 'therapeutic' setting then we are less likely to engage or get any benefit from those sessions. However, when we can see that there is genuine care and respect then we are more likely to engage in what we see as a safe environment.

@chibam I had a heated 'conversation' with an ex senior staff member around respect. Her view was that every child should respect all adults. The school I worked at had a lot of children from backgrounds that were not so great - so my statement to her was 'how can you expect these children to respect adults when all they see from then is hurt and pain? In essence you are saying that they should be respecting their abusers". She, of course, did not have an answer to that. I also said that we as adult (and role models) need to show that respect first for those children to know what it is like to be respected and to follow in our footsteps. Again, she had no answer. My point here is pretty simple, show respect to get respect. I do not care personally if people agree with me or not (as we are all different and all unique) but to be respected is a different story. I am telling you, personally this, as I want you to know I have read a lot of what you have written here on the forums for a long time, and whilst I cannot always relate to your experiences, I do very much respect your insights and thoughts. This world would be a much better place if we all 'looked at the other side for a minute' and actually listened.