Lived Experience Forum

[StandingStill]

Hi everyone,

I’m StandingStill and I’m new here. That username suits me well right now.

I hope you’re all having a nice evening 😊.

I have been feeling quite low for quite a few years now. I had two psychotic episodes about 5-6 years ago. 

I recovered fairly well and am stable on medication now. But I’ve just never gone back to the way I used to be. I used to be a very very motivated person. I used to excel at my studies and run every day and had a thriving social life and volunteered in the community a lot.

I miss that version of myself. I’m at uni - but don’t really care about it any more. I’m just doing the bare minimum. I’ve gained a lot of weight. I don’t exercise and when I do I worry about people looking at me.

When I try to talk to my family about it they just call me lazy and don’t understand. 

It’s starting to really bother me. A lot. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to swear on this platform but I wish I could. I’m not suicidal - but I feel like I just don’t care about anything anymore.

Thank you if you took the time to read this!

 - StandingStill

[Glisten]

@StandingStill 

20 years ago half way through university, I was diagnosed with ADHD ADD.

The main symptom I had, was that I would get overwhelmed stand in the kitchen and eat.

Once I was diagnosed getting use to the medication was one thing, but the relief and emotional stability it gave me was wonderful.

I hope life gives you hope.

G

[NatureLover]

Hi @StandingStill , welcome! It's good to have you here.

Yes, you can swear on the forums here! What you can and can't do is mentioned in the Guidelines .

You sounds like you're depressed? I can empathise. 

I don't know about you, but I feel that for myself I had to build myself a new identity that incorporated my 6 MIs (mental illnesses), plus my physical illnesses. It didn't help to keep comparing myself to my younger self. Of course there's a grieving process for the younger self, along the way 😢

You can still build a good life as you are now. It just has different parameters. 

I'm wondering if you have professional support? A psychiatrist or GP might be able to give you a medication review. 

A handy forum tip to tag someone is to type @ and then click on their name in the drop-down box - that way they'll get a notification that you've replied to them.

[SkySeeker22]

Hi @StandingStill 

Welcome to the SANE Forums, and thank you for sharing your story.  I hope you get the support you need here.

I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling low for such a long time, and that you aren't getting the support and understanding you are needing from your family.

I think its important to recognise that you are not the same person you were 5-6 years ago, and really anyone (even without the psychotic episodes, medication and everything else you have experienced) would have changed in that amount of time.  Remember the person you once were, but honour the person you are now.  That person has got you through everything you have been through for the last few years, and while you may look a little different you are still you!  Try not to compare yourself to 5-6 years younger version of yourself. 

Is there something new that you could try that you  might find as enjoyable as running, or could you perhaps try volunteering again in a different space? 

Also (and i know this is hard to swallow and it took me a few years to get it myself) don't worry about other people when you are exercising.  Most of the time they are more worried about themselves and what they are doing to even notice what you are doing!

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

[Asgard]

Hi @StandingStill 

I certainly can relate to your story, but lets look at the good aspects of your story, you are stable and you are going to uni.  As @SkySeeker22 says nobody is looking at ye when they are exercising, they are probably having the same fears as yourself.  We spend so much time worrying about what others think of us, when in fact studies have shown that we are the least of their interest, everybody is more concerned about themselves. 

You are a different person now, we all change, so what excites you now, maybe you can  discover a new interest.  I know that I had to, I used to be a gym addict, now I never go - but when I was going on my enforced walk which i hated by the way, i kept discovering some amazing streets around me, and now I look forward to my walk, I deliberately go a new way each day, have got lost a few times.

So @StandingStill discover the new you and pop back here and tell us how you are doing.  All the very best 🙂