Lived Experience Forum

[Queenie]

Yes, the feelings of attraction and the butterflies you feel when you're around this young woman are normal @outlander. It means you feel something for this person and are attracted to them. I read that this young woman is newly married however so she isn't single and available. This can cause all manner of confused feelings because of the fact she isn't available. I guess I was lucky with my Mrs because there was mutual attraction and although she wasn't single when I met her, we got together when her previous relationship ended.

It's super tricky for you though because you have this attraction towards someone who is not single and you know a relationship with this person is only a friendship. Doesn't stop those confused giddy feelings though does it? I wouldn't suggest opening up to this young woman about how you feel (because she is in a relationship and is married) because I'd hate to see you setting yourself up for disaster. I once had an online 'relationship' with a woman I had those kind of feelings towards, I didn't know she was married and when I told her how I felt, I ended up making a fool of myself. 

It's a tricky situation @outlander. I say tread carefully. It's okay to have these feelings though, so don't feel bad about them, it's a normal attraction. I'd just hate to see you getting hurt.

[outlander]

Im not going to talk to her about it or persue anything. Not at all. Im not that sort of person @Queenie
How can i stop feeling like that. Im actually really happy shes married and her partner is really nice but the stupid feelings come up around her. I probably wont see her again anyway.

How can i stop those feelings? Maybe my mind is saying im ready for a relationship? Is that even possible?

[outlander]

I dont have her number or fb nor did ahe want any further chat than a hello so i wouldnt say anything else to her. But im so confused in what i feel because i know its wrong and ive told myself that. Not as in liking another woman but a married one and one i hardly know at all.
But how do i stop

[Queenie]

Perhaps you are right in saying you are ready for a relationship or at least, your mind is pondering the idea of relationships? For me relationships happen when I don't overthink it.

I guess time is the only cure for these feelings/butterflies you have towards this young woman. In time, your feelings will change and you will notice other people too. Don't overthink, allow your feelings and thoughts about relationships and people who'd you like to be in a relationship develop, there will be others.

Be kind to yourself @outlander. 

[outlander]

I think i am ready @Queenie ive been pondering one. Just not sure really how to go about it i guess thatll fall into place eventually too will it?


Are the feelings really real? I don't know if I could be in a relationship with a woman. I mean obviously not this woman. Ohh im just confusing myself. I dont know what is real

[Queenie]

Try not to overthink it @outlander. You'll know when the right person comes along, whatever gender they may be. 🙂 

[outlander]

Thanks @Queenie ill try. It was more are they real feelings. I dont really know. I mean ive never had that sort of feeling towards anyone

[Mandy1]

@outlander I am a woman who fell in lust with men but never committed and then fell head over heals in love with a woman at aged 20 - she was 25 ... 20 yrs we are still in love more than ever ... I identify as bisexual but even that is a label I don’t use much at all as I don’t see the need ... sexuality is definitely a spectrum and a function of each person you meet - we are all so beautifully unique ... re butterflies / strong feelings / blushing / electricity shooting around in the bod when you meet a new person - I’ve probably only experienced this with three or four people across 20 years ...apart from my partner that is ... I walked away from two of the women as it was at work and as I had not met them at all before I knew it was raw chemistry and not something to pursue in work or at all as I had a monogamous relationship ... I met a guy tho who I thought maybe I was in love with at the time and I nearly strayed - but discovered in th nick of time he was married and grooming me for an affair and nothing else - given he was my personal trainer at time I felt this was a gross exploitation of the trust in that relationship ... Esp as both our partners were sick at the time - so anyway I sacked him as my trainer and requested no further contact - ... then there was a guy at work I was physically attracted to and then we started going for lunches and he asked if we should go to a hotel room - eeek I was so naive didn’t see that one coming - I politely turned him down and then avoided him thereafter - more awkwardness at work ....... so my tips are do not act on this feeling at all if at work or one of you are unavailable - it just makes life unnecessarily complex ... however if both free then take it slow and make sure it’s not just chemistry with no friendship

[outlander]

Hi @Mandy1 thank you for sharing. I dont get these feeling very often. I knoe it wouldnt work out but i was confused because abit earlier on i was talking to Queenie im thinking a few months ago now that i didnt know what i was because i had feelings for women before but how would i know unless i tried it.
Still kinda like that but at least i know those feelings are real but i wouldnt persue it shes very happily commited and if law goes ahead they will be getting married.

Theres a guys i met today and hes cute but i dont have those same butterflies type feeling. I just think hes cute. I think hes only 18 though wouldnt that be weird dating someone younger then myself...

[Mandy1]

@outlander wishing you all the best with your relationship adventures - I’ve never dated younger so can’t say what that would be like - although I’m sure like everything else it’s highly individual ... trust your instincts 🙂