Lived Experience Forum

[outlander]

Thanks im sure things will fall into place. Only 21 still many yrs to come hey @Mandy1 and also welcome to the forums ❤

[Appleblossom]

I identify as bi, have been married.  @outlander I think, that feelings are a sign you like a person and that does not matter what sex they are.  The levels and types of relationship are part of the choices we make, though the feelings often are not about choce.  Though we can keep returning to places to meet certain people or move in different directions if it is not right etc.

[outlander]

Thanks @Appleblossom
Just before i went into hospital. The day before. We went out for lunch and i seen someone working there. I went to school with him and had the high school crush on me. I felt awkward atm so nothing persued. I think he has a gf now but he is sweet. I probably looked like an idiot, i spilt my drink on myself as it overflowed the cup and then the that stupid song come on @Queenie you know that song. I sat there covering my ears in the middle of a restaurant and got some weird looks and my family decided that it was funny and made fun of me and laughed
I tend to go for personality rather than looks though both would be nice.
I dont really know how to act around people and feel very awkward and it gets worse when i start to have feelings towards someone. I tend to avoid them. Like running away from my feelings.

[Queenie]

I am appalled that your family laughed at you when you were overcome with such a triggering song (I know the one)! Shame on them!  I really wish they were more supportive of you, instead of making fun of you. I always mute that song when it plays on the music channels. It is just too close to home.

[outlander]

I tried to leave but didnt want to seem rude in the middle of a restaurant so i looked like an idiot and with them doing that made it so much worse. I just sat there my hands rested in my hands but i had a finger in each ear to block it out. I said i couldnt stand the song. It reminds me of my past and i was really starting to panic and knowing they were doing that and people were staring and the guy who had a crush on me was there @Queenie <br>I could feel tears welling up so had a drink of fizzy fast so it looked like that was the cause

[outlander]

And that song i really cant stand. Those few words were the words going through my head that day and the next day i tried to end it. My story is on the i dont know how much longer I can go on thread

[outlander]

@Queenie can i ask something?

[Queenie]

Sorry I am only getting back to you now @outlander, I've been offline for the past few days with a return to studying again. I am here now though...

Fire away...

[outlander]

remember that woman i had those feelings for last year.... (shes married and older than me), i seen her again and had the same reaction
shes definently a look but dont touch but i cant seem to switch off the feelings 😞 @Queenie

[Queenie]

It is possible to have feelings of attraction towards a member of the same sex without necessarily wearing an LGBTIQ+ 'label'. I know of someone who was attracted towards me, even though they identified as heterosexual (she was married with children of her own). In the end she processed the idea of the attraction in her mind and with a psychologist and decided although she found me attractive, she couldn't actually fathom the idea of 'going there' with a woman. Eventually with a lot of time, her feelings passed and she forgot about me.

Perhaps you are just having feelings of attraction towards this person, rather than actually having questions about your sexuality? It is confusing I know, exploring your sexuality and who you find attractive to you. How you ever thought about contacting someone like QLife to discuss this with them? Might be an idea worth considering? 

For me, I have always preferred the female form and the first time I was with a man I was like "ugh" and thought intimacy with a male to be a filthy thing. The first time I was with a woman, sparks flew and I knew I felt way more comfortable with what was happening. All my partners since then have been female. That was only a decade ago, which considering I am almost middle aged, it took a long time and a lot of confusion to process.