Looking after ourselves
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28-05-2022 09:58 AM
28-05-2022 09:58 AM
I think I have had enough
Hi,
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28-05-2022 09:00 PM
28-05-2022 09:00 PM
Re: I think I have had enough
Dear @Shaggy ,
There is only so much you can do. MH recovery is in the hand of the individual. Your son is an adult and he is responsible for his actions. You have done what any mother would do - it is now time that you care for yourself and consider you own needs.
This doesn’t mean you reject your son. I believe much of his behaviour is his illness speaking and not him.
Im not sure if he is on a community treatment order?
Whatever it is, set clear boundaries e. He is welcome to functions if he has taken meds etc. It’s something you can discuss with him when he is well enough to take it in.
I don’t think it’s fair you hold back on your life when (from what I perceive), there’s little effort on his part. What do you think?
Then again, every situation is different. I don’t think you should feel guilty. Guilt eats your life away.
Do you have a support network or therapist you can speak to for yourself?
BPDSurvivor
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29-05-2022 06:33 AM
29-05-2022 06:33 AM
Re: I think I have had enough
Your words are wise. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a community treatment order. I will be making an appointment to see my therapist on Monday. I really appreciate your response. Thank you.
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29-05-2022 02:02 PM
29-05-2022 02:02 PM
Re: I think I have had enough
Hi @Shaggy Please let go of the guilt as it serves no purpose other than to slowly eat away at you. I have experienced with my daughter, so much of what you are experiencing with your son and my family was suffering, has suffered. There came a time where I had to decide enough is enough as we were all sliding down the slippery path. I had to step back and allow what’s happened since to take place. By stepping back, yes she hit rock bottom but from that came the help she had needed for so long and although it was and is heart wrenching as her mother to see her go through it, I knew in my heart it was the only way. My girl has drug induced schizophrenia but is now on the right medication and receiving daily support through NDIS and the Community Mental Health Team. I simply couldn’t save her and was drowning trying to. She hasn’t spoken to me for a couple of years now but I know she is safe and being well supported. Guilt still creeps in at times but I had to way up whether having my whole family fall apart and suffer through the emotional turmoil of my daughters illness was a price I was willing to pay and it wasn’t. We all have our own path to stumble along in this life. My girl knows she is truly loved and supported by us but now from a distance. She is also an adult at 28 and all I can do is hope, despite her illness, that she makes wiser choices. Breathe. 🙏❤️
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29-05-2022 05:52 PM
29-05-2022 05:52 PM
Re: I think I have had enough
Thank you Krishna for taking the time to connect with me and share words of encouragement. It's such a relief to know that other parents have to do this too.❤️
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29-05-2022 08:33 PM
29-05-2022 08:33 PM
Re: I think I have had enough
Hi @Shaggy You’re definitely not alone with this struggle. Just so you know, when replying to a forum member, type @ and then choose the name on the drop down list and they will receive a notification of your reply. I’m currently waiting on my daughters decision as to whether she wants to meet up with her dad and myself. Keeps changing her mind leaving us in limbo. I’d love to see my girl but feeling quite anxious at the same time as there’s been quite a decline in her cognitive function in the past 2 years, I’ve been told and I know if we do connect, the waterworks will start with me and I’m so done with crying. I’ll just have to hold it together.
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06-06-2022 09:16 PM
06-06-2022 09:16 PM
Re: I think I have had enough
@Krishna thank you for your response. I am finding the navigation of the forum a little challenging but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it soon. I have taken your advice and I am remembering to breathe. Putting boundaries in place which are long overdue.
Yesterday my son called me and asked for money...again. I said no. I have never done that before. He is on a very slippery slope and I have always saved him from himself in the past but I can't do that anymore. I have my own life to live. He is doing something illegal. He has asked me not to tell. He thinks the police are after him. He has changed his phone number 5 times in the last 2 weeks. Now I can't contact him at all. I don't know where he lives but I do know that he told his flatmate that he would be moving out at the end of next week. He has nothing except his car which he says he will sell to fund a move interstate. He will have an accident on purpose if no one offers to buy his car. He will be able to claim insurance and would rather take the insurance money than wait to sell the car. He is manipulative and extremely clever. He has done this before. He is delusional and psychotic. He has been 'doctor shopping' and managed to get back into his old drug habit. He told me that a doctor thought it would be good for him. I don't believe him. I actually don't even know if the 'doctor' exists. I offered to accompany him to see a doctor if he needed moral support but he said he's a big boy now and doesn't need me. He said that he knows what his body needs and he needs his drug of choice.
He is complaining of drooling and slurred speech. He says he is unfit to drive because he is uncoordinated and has rear-ended 2 cars (very gently) and told me the drivers of the cars were 'unreasonable' but he drove 30 kilometers yesterday to an appointment because he thought it was Thursday. Yesterday was Sunday. I am not going to call his psychiatrist because he told me not to. I am not going to call his flatmate because he told me not to. He has asked me to stay out of his life.
I am waiting for the call from the police or the hospital to tell me he's either dead or he's been sectioned (which has happened before) or that he's been charged and needs bailing out. I won't put bail up for him because he is a danger to himself and others.
Today I cut him loose. I love him but he really isn't a very nice person. He has no moral compass when he's ill. I am sorry that he's made so many dumb choices in life. I am sorry that he doesn't learn from his mistakes the way other people do.
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18-07-2022 12:23 PM
18-07-2022 12:23 PM
Re: I think I have had enough
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18-07-2022 12:52 PM
18-07-2022 12:52 PM
Re: I think I have had enough
Hi @Gloria,
Welcome to the forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is really great that you have reached out and shared you story with us. It is also really brave of you to share your experience with us.
I'm sorry to read about what you are going through - whilst I don't know very much about schizophrenia I do have a close family member with a serious mental health disorder that I care for. You mentioned that you are afraid of your son - I just want to check that you (or any one in your house, including your son) are safe? Please call 000 immediately if you are in immediate danger.
I understand when you say you are the `last man standing'. I feel the same way in relation to my family member. Other family members don't help and my family member has no friends that he interacts with so outside his professional team I am the only support he has. It's not easy and it can be challenging. It's good that you are sharing on the forums - I find support from other people who have lived the experience is one of the most beneficial ways of coping.
Just some housekeeping - if you want to respond to someone directly just type the `@' symbol directly before their name and a box should appear. Click on their name and they will get a notification that you are responding directly to their message.
I really do wish you all the best,
FloatingFeather
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18-07-2022 02:35 PM
18-07-2022 02:35 PM
Re: I think I have had enough
Hi @Gloria
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles with your son, it must be so challenging and worrying for you. I just want to let you know about Carer's Gateway. Their website is here.
They offer support for carers of someone with a mental illness and may be a good resource for you.
Sending hugs
Hanami