Lived Experience Forum

[TheVorticon]

Thanks everyone, I ran out of words to reply at the time.

I've made myself a bit of an "everything's hopeless so just do the negative thing" cage tonight. Just trying to remember that it's my own cage so I can leave the door open, or stretch the bars, or turn them into gummy worms, or whatever I like.

[CheerBear]

I vote gummy worms @TheVorticon. Sour ones that you then share here please 😉

I like that you're trying to remember it's your own cage so you can do with it what you'd like. To me that says you have some control over it, but I could be misinterpreting that. Sorry things are hopeless tonight.

[TheVorticon]

Definitely sour ones @CheerBear 😉 They're the best.

I do have control over it. But it's a matter of what I want to do, and that's not always the positive thing. Good thing I'm too tired now to make myself sad or self harm, my cage companions. They can stay in the cage tonight, I'm going to a bed instead. 

[CheerBear]

I had you picked as a sour worm kind of person @TheVorticon 😁👍😎

I'm really appreciating this cage idea and the idea that companions can stay in the cage. I wonder what keeps the companions in the cage and what feeds them etc.

I get that sometimes what we want to do isn't always the healthiest or most positive choice. Leaving the cage and heading for a bed sounds like a pretty good choice to me. I'm going to try and do the bed thing soon too.

Hope there's some rest in there for you tonight.

[TheVorticon]

Thanks for listening last night @CheerBear and I hope you got some sleep.

While writing my last post I was going to listen to the companions after a longer post about how I'm more robot than human but just got way too tired to bother.

[CheerBear]

I had a bit of sleep thanks @TheVorticon. Not enough but better than nothing. Hope you did too.

Interesting you mentioned about being too tired to bother. The flags wave big and red when I'm dark and twisty but agitated and have the energy to do something not ideal/not healthy/not positive - whatever word works best there.Being too tired to bother can feel annoying and defeated but kind of protective for me I guess.

If you'd ever like to share about you being more robot than human, I'm interested in hearing.

Hope there's something good in your day today.

[TheVorticon]

Thanks @CheerBear. Glad to hear you got a bit of sleep although sucks that it wasn't enough. 

Yeah I agree that being tired can sometimes be a good thing when it comes to this stuff. Good thing I noticed how tired I was, accepted it, and decided to pay attention to it rather than the companions. Sometimes that's hard to do.

I might save the robot talk for another time. Time for me to get stuck into some work. 😕

Hope your morning is going well. 

[TheVorticon]

Got really upset (thinking about how my psych didn't help with what I needed help with 11 years ago, how being sad for myself = "feeling sorry for myself" = being a pathetic weak whiny shit = should be punished) and self harmed last night. Haven't done that in a while. Blehhhh 😕

[Maggie]

@TheVorticon  I’m sorry you SH’d. It’s such a strong demanding pulling feeling.

You are not feeling sorry for yourself, a pathetic weak whiny  shit, nor do you deserve punishment. You deserve respect and care. Basic human needs in my opinion.

Do you need medical assistance with the wound?

Take care where you can. Lots of these. 💚💙💜💛❤️

[TheVorticon]

Thanks @Maggie. I don't feel like I deserve "care". Although I'm a bit better at not tolerating disrespect, except from myself.

Nah no medical help needed, but thanks for asking.

I hope your morning has been going OK.