I won't allow myself to be better

[lotus85]

So, I have these moments where I think I should join the gym, eat better, see a therapist, be a more interactive mum. All these things that would better me. I never do any of it, I talk myself out of it. I say I'm too lazy, I can't be bothered, what's the point. Nah stuff it. 

But the fleeting moments of wanting ro be better come and go. Not really sure why I never actually do anything. Sometimes I blame hubby but I think that's an excuse. For instance I mentioned I was thinking about gym and he said we could go together but when I said I was thinking of b4 work wen he is already gone, he got all disappointed. So now I cant do that. Is it just my next excuse or do I really allow someone's reactions to have so much power over me that I don't want to do anything to rock the boat or make ppl upset with me. 

Whenever someone disagrees with me or he expresses disappointment in something I do or want, I feel like a child trying to gain approval from ppl. Did I never grow up or am I just so immature that I live my life for the childish feeling.

No idea. But no doubt I will move on from my fleeting thought of being better, and just be, soon enough. I always do.

[Doog]

Wow @lotus85 . You describe me to a T.  I live with bipolar. When I am I  a normal or elevated mood I plan joining groups, exercise, eating properly and other things to keep me healthy. Some of them I adopt. But then I hit a depressed mood an all my plans and activities go out the windows. Why bother. Too much effort. And then the judgement. You're too lazy. Your a hopeless sh*t. And a lot worse. And so the cycle goes on. I try to set habbits in place when I'm well so they'll be automatic when I'm.unwell. I'm not there yet but I'm getting better.

So you're not alone. Pick up some ideas from the forums. And make some small steps. Well that's what helps me.

Best wishes. 

[Asgard]

Hi --- I must say that what you are feeling is very much like I do, I always have the best intentions to do things, and then I make up excuses why I shouldnt do it.  What I found is to do 1 little thing, just one and then you can be proud of yourself for doing that.  I so identify with your story.

Best of luck in doing your 1 little thing today

🙂

[lotus85]

I kind of feel like a shadow of a person most of the time, and then I get those inclings of wanting more. Until I push it down and make excuses as to y I should just accept I am what I am and life is wat it is. Does that make sense?

[Jasper_123]

Hi @lotus85 , Firstly, thank you for sharing sometimes I find that to be the hardest part. I think sometimes people of all sorts get this spurt of motivation for betterment and then we overwhelm ourselves with all the ways we could be doing better (eating better, working out, reading more, socialising more). The things that have worked for me are starting habits slowly and adding positives instead of ridding what you see as negatives.

What I mean is to eat healthier: Add more healthy components, replace one of your snacks with a better alternative, instead of joining the gym find a hobby that you like or that interests you that also has you moving your body and maybe you can do with hubby or friends (I've found social sport has been fantastic for my mental health as I don't want to let my friends down by bailing!)

At the end of the day we can't wait for imspiration or motivation but you can start slowly at forming better habits.

[8ppleTree]

Hi @lotus85 

It sounds like you have been questioning yourself, which is always a great step in finding out what motivates you. I understand, because a few years ago I had high expectations of myself, but no supporting routines in place to help me achieve my goals. I didn't know where to start. It all just felt 'frustrated/meh!'

It can feel like life can swamp those little sparks of motivation, especially when we hold ourselves accountable, as if we're to blame. However, motivation seems to work better when we're positively motivated. Learning to be proud of ourselves when we can and be kind when we can't.

I agree with @Asgard and @Doog, finding small things to put in place, and gradually building from there can re-spark the momentum. In the less motivated times, the smaller things carry you through.

It could be as simple as walking once a week, and getting a rain jacket. Or looking for a morning gym buddy, so you motivate each other? Making one healthy breakfast a week, or healthy snacks the next week, small changes. You can try lots of different approaches to see what you enjoy. Mix it up.

Playing and having fun was essential for me to start and continue anything. I tried to catch those 'shoulds', and practiced turning them to 'could' or 'wow, I enjoyed that positive thing today!' 🙂 I don't always meet my routines, but I get back into things easier now. 

[lotus85]

I don't even know what stops me. Am I lazy? Is it that I am too concerned about others reactions? Will they be disappointed, will they think I'm stupid, will they judge me or make me feel selfish or idiotic for suggesting I do something. Does that make sense? Or am I just so in my head that I don't really want anything from anyone, ever. Glad I'm not alone in this feeling, but it sure feels it ya know

[tyme]

Being a mum is a full time job in itself. @lotus85 Maybe it's not about comparing, but more so about know that you are doing your best?

Good to hear from you though @lotus85 . Lovely to have you with us.

[pinklollipop15]

Hi @lotus85 

Thanks for writing your story. I can relate to it too. I bought a rower about a month ago, used it twice and decided it wasn't for me. I sold it today. I do not have the desire to walk outside and I dont exercise most days but know I should to "be better" but I realised after talking to a friend that theres no real motivation to stick to some schedule I do exercise (in particular) spontaneously when I feel like it. 

I think as others suggested taking one small step at a time is a great idea and not trying to do "everything" at once. I too often get caught in the all or nothing thinking.

Anyway hope that helps in some way. 

[8ppleTree]

You're not alone. It does make sense! I hear how you are frustrated and uncertain around making some changes. The truth is that you are doing a great job as you are! Doing the best you can, with what you have. No one else can look in on our lives and really know what we're working with. You have ideas, it's ok to explore them. No pressure, no judgement. 

What would feel/look good to you? What support would you need to build that into your reality? Where do you find your bliss/peace?