I’m putting this on here because I’m too afraid of the consequences of talking about it with friends or family, but it’s eating me up inside (not sure if pun was intended), and I just needed ANYONE’S reinput.
When I was young my Mum had a severe eating disorder. She recently relapsed, but is slowly recovering.
Recently I’ve noticed I’ve been having intrusive thoughts when I’m hungry if it’s not a set meal time, saying “you can’t have that because you’re fat” [edited by moderators]. Or I’ll wait till I’m absolutely starving before I let myself eat something.
I’m scared to talk to Mum about it in case it triggers her, and I’m scared to talk to anyone else in case they overreact.
Thank you for reaching out. That's a big and courageous step. I dont have lived experience of negative thoughts around eating, but a very valued friend of mine did, and I understand it can be very difficult and distressing. You are not alone and I know there will be others here that have had (or may still have) similar struggles to you and can provide better ideas than myself.
Do you have any counsellor or other psych supports you trust that you could talk to? Does your work offer any free confidential EAP sessions? (They dont have to be work-related issues for EAP 😊)
I am happy to talk to you about it if you wish, and support however I can. But I am aware I have limited knowledge in this area, just a desire to support you through this.
How do you feel about yourself generally? Self-image, self-confidence, self-worth, etc? You dont have to answer, but i know for some people with concerns over eating related to physical weight/image there can sometimes be underlying negative self-concepts that may be influencing or driving these thoughts?
I have an ED and I also have a young daughter and I am terrified that my behaviors around food and my body will affect her. I try my darn hardest to hide it from her.
Have you reached out to the butterfly foundation? They are an ED support service available via online chat and phone. I’ve always found them to be extremely helpful.
Thank you for your reply. I don’t currently work. I’ve been on a disability support pension since I was 18. I have very low self confidence and self worth. I more or less hate myself.
I'm sorry. I understand your worry over telling anyone, I gave up long ago explaining to others my eating issues. (I have c-PTSD and that can give eating disorders but I more have a fear of foods and if it's safe to eat more because of my lupus condition than my c-PTSD but it gives a little insight to eating disorders too) I think your consideration of your mother's feelings is admissible and for reaching out trying to get help or guidance. Neither are easy nor appreciated as they should be.
You did well, you should be proud.
Unfortunately, I can only offer emotional support as I haven't found anything that works for my issues over food. Except to try a not beat yourself up when you feel this way. It's not easy I know but that's all I've come up with this far.
my relationship with food and my self-image has been rocky too, and addressing my core beliefs with my psych helped me in changing that. i can't say my self-esteem is high now, but i can say it's in a much better place than before. as @Bow suggested, Butterfly Foundation is a great one to reach out to, they have helplines, support groups, programs and treatments.
i wanted also share a lil forums tip: you can tag the person you are replying to by using the @ symbol and typing out the username and selecting it like this @Number1Trauma - once it's blue, it means the person tagged will be notified of your response.
You probably won't believe me when I say this, but at my worst I felt exactly like you about food/body image. All my adult life I have struggled with my relationship with food, and every time I looked in the mirror I saw a fat person. I am currently at the lower end of my "ideal weight", but I still worry about eating certain foods or eating too much and becoming too fat. No, I am not a troubled teenager, I am
71 years old. It is still hard to get off this treadmill.
Several others have mentioned the Butterfly Foundation, and I think they are an excellent start to getting help. You really do need professional help to get through this situation, especially when you are worried by your mother as well, and the Butterfly Foundation can put you in touch with the experts and professional help you need.
In the meantime, think to yourself about all the wonderful, unique things about you. You and your mother have an illness - it is just as real as chicken-pox, and there are strategies to deal with it. Don't panic, help is out there. You don't mention your age, but if you are over 18 you can see your GP in
confidence and ask to be referred to a therapist or psychiatrist for support. If not you can still talk to your GP and ask for advice on ways to cope with your own feelings and dealing with your mother.
Start with the Butterfly Foundation, and stay positive and confident. Help is out there.
You are just as precious as anyone else, If you believe in God and that He created you read psalm 139 and you will.know without a doubt the you are loved and treasured.
Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post. I ended up talking to my Mum about my concerns, and she was really understanding and helpful, and said she wasn’t triggered by what I was saying. I also spoke to my NDIS support worker, who is a nurse, and she had lots of helpful things to say. I may still check out the Butterfly Foundation, but I just want to say I really appreciate everyone’s help and support. 🥲☺️
