Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Farmboy]

For me, it has taught me the value of unconditional love, just realise you can care for another vulnerable human being that way and so much is reward in itself. If you can understand the condition and manage your emotions as a carer I think it teaches you to bring out the best in yourself, I treasure my wife's good days so much, on those days I try to set aside time to do fun things together. I am learning that BPD and alcohol are a bad combination

[tyme]

@BlueBay ,

Thank you for joining us for as much as you could! We really appreciated your insights and you sharing.

Look forward to hearing more of your experiences! Your resilience and strength is a wonder and awe to so many.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart,

tyme

[cloudcore]

No worries at all @BlueBay , please take care! Thank you so much for all you have shared in this discussion. Your experiences are so valuable and your support has been amazing 💛

[Maybe1]

My first time to this forum! So still learning to navigate sorry. I have been to a couple of support groups in the past. My husband no.

[tyme]

That's a great insight @Farmboy ,

pwBPD often have other challenges including alcohol. Treating teams and services understand this and often prioritise which condition to manage first. Some services don't like to begin treatment for BPD until other conditions are stablised - hence, the BPD treatment is a lengthy and complex process. 

[Maybe1]

Our daughter was diagnosed at 16, with already having depression and anxiety diagnosed years before. She has participated in 3 courses of DBT since diag, The challenge is her willingness to receive ongoing, regular treatment.

[Determined]

@tyme 

The main thing is that the pwBPD is ready to put in the hard work and work to make changes.

This is a problem when getting out of bed in the morning is an effort.

For us, unfortunately, and I trust in future things may change my darling is not interested in putting in any effort. Being awake is about as much as she can handle.

And we have not moved past yet blaming everyone around her for her outbursts. Even though they are not as frequent or violent as times past. 

[tyme]

Let's see what you can do to care for your own mental health:

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries helps a borderline feel safe. It is a good idea to sit down with your loved one when they are relaxed and come up with agreed boundaries together.

Examples of boundaries include:

• “When upset, I will give you time to calm down and come back at an agreed time to check-in”
• “If you self-harm, and medical support is warranted, medical assistance will be sought”
• “I will answer your phone calls during before 10pm”

Through experience, when triggered, your loved one may resist these boundaries to ‘check’ whether you really care of not. In the long run, you will be respected for maintaining these boundaries.

Building up your own support network

Having your own support network is very important. People who you feel safe speaking to. People who are not there to judge but to listen.

• Formal supports include:
  • seeing a counsellor
  • visiting a psychologist
• Informal supports include:
  • friends
  • family members

Remember, carers are also entitled to receive subsided therapy sessions with a mental health care plan from your GP.

Doing things you enjoy

Setting time aside to engage in activities you enjoy will allow you to recharge your batteries. These may include:

• going for a walk
• art and craft activities e.g. knitting, painting, diamond painting, soap making
• joining and attending a fitness group e.g. pilates, walking, yoga
• spending time with friends
• having a coffee
• going for a drive

[Daisydreamer]

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@Farmboy wrote:
For me, it has taught me the value of unconditional love, just realise you can care for another vulnerable human being that way and so much is reward in itself

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Caring for others can bring so much to our lives @Farmboy, such a great reflection 

[Daisydreamer]

Thank you so much @BlueBay, your contributions to this discussion have been so insightful and valued! Thank you, thank you, thank you

Take care and hope you feel better soon!