Exhausted and guilty

[Tiredness]

Hello everyone,

I'm 38 and quit my job of 20 years after getting panic attacks and vicious bouts of anxiety.

I moved back in with my parents as my dad is homebound after contracting Gullian Barre Syndrome 10 years ago and has stage 4 bowel cancer. I have ended up being his full time carer and he just recently broken his ankle so he is unable to toilet and bathe. I feel 100% extremely guilty for even writing this but I feel like I can't go on anymore. I'm physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. I've had to endure all of this with bulging discs and degenerative disc disease. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. My parents are the nicest people I've ever met, I owe them the world and I absolutely hate myself for feeling this way.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Tiredness 

I am so glad you have opened up about your experience here on the forums, as its sounds like you have a lot on your plate & being able to reach out is really courageous. I am sorry to hear of those really challenging things with your own health & being a carer for your dad. It comes across strongly the love & care you have for your family!

I am curious, have you explored getting external caring supports in to give you time to focus on your own health & wellbeing? Considering the extent of feelings that are there for you right now?

A few resources came to mind while I read your post - the Carer gateway website that have some info if you'd like to speak with a counsellor specifically around your experience. However we also offer the counselling through the SANE help centre (1800 18 7263) til 10pm - also a resource available for you.

Also… sending a warm welcome to the forums community - I have tagged a few members
@Shaz51 @Appleblossom @AussieRecharger @outlander that might also be around at some stage to offer support around this for you 

Flybluebird ❤️

[Appleblossom]

@Tiredness 

Welcome.

Wish me saying ... you do not need to feel guilty ... would take the feeling away.  I can understand you want to "give back" to your parents, but these days there are supports available, with council and other disability.  Even getting the physical washing done by an care worker an hour per day, may be worth while.  You can still be there for them but all be able to have quality time together.

Truly.  Talk to your doctor or his doctor or the council about respite. I dont think you should be doing that work with disc bulges.  Maybe as a daughter you want to hold onto other parts of your relationship.  Your parents probably want to see you thrive more.

take care of you too.

[Shaz51]

Hello and hugs @Tiredness 

Can you get some home help package to help you out my friend,  here for you xx

[AussieRecharger]

@Tiredness .. 

With everything else thats going on in your life, it sounds like you don't have much time for your own life.  What is it that makes you happy?  What is it that you wanted to do after quitting your job?

I would suggest booking in to the same GP as your dad and having a chat with him about how exhausted you feel, but at the same time, i think you need to set your self a little goal for the week.  IE. i am going to take 1 hour out and go for a walk, go fishing etc.