Feeling hurt

[Kez2]

Hi everyone,

Before I ask you all a question I just wanted to let you know know bit about me before.

3 years ago I was a happy go lucky women, I was married, had a great job and had a great bunch of friends. 2 months later everything changed and then I was told that I was going through psychosis.

Losing all this in a space of 6 months i couldn't handle it and ended up in a mental health unit for 1.5 months.

As time went on and I was released from hospital I noticed that I was different to what I was when I went it. The way I view the world, my personality and my memory. I didn't feel like the usual me ( and I still dont).

The worst past is people treating me differently. 

After losing everything I had to move in with my mum. My mum treats me differently now like im not her daughter. She hasnt said i love you in 3 years, she doesnt recognise anything i do but if my sister did the sme thing she would be recognised. My mum still tells my sister she loves her. When i ask her , she says that i have chaged since being sick and im not the same person. I just dont understand why she cant say i love you and she wont tell me. When I try to talk and educate her on my mental health she doesn't want to hear it. I don't understand how a mother can not love her child for something that I couldn't help.

PLEASE HELP. How do I get my mums and I relationship back to where it was before I was sick.?????

If you have been through this please comment. 

Thanks everyone.

[tyme]

Hi there @Kez2 ,

It sounds like you have been through the whirlwind. I just want to say welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of strength so open up and share with the community.

I hear your hurt. I hear your pain. Psychosis can be life-changing. Although I have never experienced psychosis, I can relate to never being told, "I love you" by my own mother. It hurt for a long long time - so much so, I don't even talk about it much.

I think a lot can stem from fear. Your mum doesn't know when her 'child' will not be the 'real child' again because of psychosis. I wonder if she thinks you are no longer you and she doesn't know what to do?

Have you had a sit down conversation with her about how you are feeling and how you are doing your best to navigate this situation?

I'll tag in @Dimity and @RiverSeal  who may be open to sharing their experiences.

Please know you are not alone. You have a whole community behind you here.

[Dimity]

Hi @Kez2 and hugs 🫂.  You deserve to be loved, and you're among friends here.

My life changed dramatically after my first major psychotic break at 26. Loss of job, career, friends, flat. I'd never had a good relationship with family, having experienced childhood trauma and emotional neglect, My mother never in her lifetime told me she loved me. Except once when I was 6 or 7 and sitting out in the cold passageway, where I remained.  It cuts deep.

Loss of independence and the dulling that can come with antipsychotic medication exacerbate the regrets. 

How are you coping? Are you working again, and are you able to pursue any interests? Loss of self-esteem can be as bad as others'  changed perceptions. But you're a "human being " not a "human doing" and you deserve love and respect just as you are.

[Kez2]

Hi Tyme,

Thank you for your reply and sorry to hear the not love you bit from your mum.

I have tried many time sitting down and talking to my mum but the type of person if she thinks something then that right and no one else is. And if she does let me talk she ends up rolling her eyes and says yeah yeah.

So im lost with what to do.

[DownMoreThanUp]

How absolutely awful for you to also have to go through this. Sadly ALL my friends, co-workers, and employers, as well as my parents did the same to me. What was much worse my youngest son did as well after my first psychosis and 3 of my other children followed in his footsteps much later on. Luckily for me my wife did not and stayed faithful and supportive throughout the ordeals that still followed after the first psychosis. So far 4 of my  5 children are back into a relationship with me based on love, acceptance and goodwill. The one is who is not i pray for every day. For i love my children and do not want to being angry with them for having had to suffer me a mentally ill person. For i know they sure did.

As for your  survival the best is not to seek the love from those you love to be loved by but are not giving it to you. Rather HOLD ON TO WHAT YOU HAD BEFORE THE DIAGNOSES STUFFED EVERYTHING UP, and tdo not let their current treatments take it away. And most importantly forgive those who now shun you their love. Honestly i cannot stress enough to forgive them for only forgiving them helps you manage the enormous pain such rejection and lovless actions causes, so their treatment of you does not cause EVER MORE pain and psychosis because they deny you what you need and want so badly. (This is what happened to me!)

Please understand it is NOT YOU, nor your mental illness, but the stigmas attached being associated with someone who is mentally ill. You were ALREADY mentally ill before your psychosis, it simply hadn't displayed/developed itself openly as it has now.

The best way to survive is to get good counselling on how to not be dependant on others for love, but earnestly find such love within yourself for yourself, without falling for self hate or rejection or simply becoming a selfish self centred person.

i know very hard lessons learned my dear, but please be of good courage you can also overcome loveless grip your past psychosis has you now in.

Please be of good courage in your difficult situation and seek professional help getting you through this time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDR7sup3DsU&list=RDYHRDWotdCfE&index=9

[Sugarshack]

Hello my brother was psychotic at 20 (he is now 40) and our mother could never see him as anything more than a disgrace to the family and an embarrassment to her. She is a toxic and nasty person, abusive mother with abusive husband who neglected her kids when we were growing up. My brother has been the "sick child" for 20 years, I have been the "naughty child" for 40 years. My life is free and under my own control. My brother is medicated into a blob. Was your mother cold, nasty, abusive and neglectful when you grew up? Mine was and she never changed. Me and my brother aren't mentally ill, we are neglected, abused and robbed of happiness by a psychopathic gatekeeper for 20+ years. I reckon get away from your mother and start a life where you define your own happiness.

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Kez2, thank you for sharing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you are doing it pretty tough with your mother and that you have tried to have conversations with her to let her know how you feel. You are being really brave in reaching out to your peers here and being vulnerable with the community. It takes a lot to share out challenges particularlly when we are not respected by the people closest to us.

I can really relate as I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia and like you it changed my life completely when I experienced my first psychotic episode back in 2007. And when I was diagnosed in 2016 I lost all my friends and career and became very isolated. My family treated me totally different even though they were supportive and basically forgot all my past acheivements. My sister even took great pride in telling me how she had lied to family friends about the work I did as a Peer Support Worker because it was as low as she was willing to go. 

I have spent the past 8 years studying at TAFE and supporting people in hearing voices groups. And I started working with SANE nearly 4 years ago and only recently have I got some respect back about my abilties and for what I do for work from my family. I have learned through all this that I needed to reframe my relationship with my family and it happened over a long period of time. I shared every acheivement whether it was small or big with them and worked really hard to gain their respect again.

It has had a lasting effect on my relationships with my family though and there is a big rift between us but we are still talking and I am glad that they are in my life. Boundaries are really important to me with my family and am much more selective when I engage with them and I do it on my terms.

I have made new friends and do not keep in touch or try to reframe my friendships from the past. My new friends accept me for who I am and respect me for what I have acheived in my recovery. I really value my new friends and have mcuh deeper connections with them and give more of myself.

It is not easy by any means and we don't always get the support we expect and need from the people closest to us. We can though create a new meaningful and purposeful life with people that do respect us and treat us with dignity. Our chosen family can be just as important to us as our biological family. 

Thank you @tyme for tagging me here 🙂

I hope that sharing my story validates your experience also goes towards creating some community for you here on the Forums. You may aslo like to check out the Hearing voices and psychosis thread and connect with other Members who have similar experiences.

Thanks again for being vulnerable with the community!

Take care

RiverSeal